I’m in love with my best friend. I catch myself staring at him. He has even invaded my dreams. It’s getting hard for me to keep my hands off of him. I’m at the point where I’m ready to shoot my shot and risk fucking up our relationship. I’ve been best friends with Tony since freshman year of high school, but I didn’t realize I was in love with him until he came to visit me in college during my sophomore year at Kent State University.

                My roommate was visiting his girlfriend so we had the place to ourselves. We went to a local bar and hit on a group of sorority sisters. They gave us some ecstasy. I’m blaming the drugs for the moment that changed it all. Tony was tore up. I was a little out of it, but not as bad as he was.

                The girls dumped us as soon as a few guys from the football team came in. Tony started going off, so I knew it was best to get him out of there before he got both of us beat up.

                We grabbed a pizza then went back to my place. We were sitting on the sofa eating pizza when he said, “My dick is hard as fuck.”

                I laughed, “Thanks for sharing.”

                He grabbed his dick and looked directly into my eyes, “I haven’t shared anything yet.”

                We joked with each other all the time about sex, but something in that moment felt different. He reached out and put his hand on my groin area. I swatted his hand away and exclaimed, “What the fuck!”

                “My bad. You know I’m out of it.”

                We ate the rest of the pizza. Then Tony went to the bathroom. I leaned my head back against the sofa while I waited for him to come out. He came back from the bathroom and tripped over his own feet before he reached the sofa. I laughed as he fell to the carpet. Instead of getting up, he rolled on to his back and closed his eyes.

                   I told him, “Nigga get up, you can’t sleep on the floor.”

                   Without opening his eyes, he replied, “Throw the blanket down here and I’ll be fine.”

                   I stood over him and gently kicked him in his side. “Get up so you can sleep on the sofa.” This asshole grabbed my foot and I stumbled backwards then fell on the sofa. I should have laughed it off and gotten up and gone to bed. Instead, I made a decision that would prevent me from ever looking at Tony the same. I jumped on him anticipating a wrestling match, but he was too out of it for that.

                   I can’t remember if it was him or me who initiated the kiss, but I do remember sticking my tongue in his mouth and making out with my best friend. And I do remember grinding against him and kissing his neck as he grabbed my butt and forced me to grind into him even harder. His hands stopped applying pressure to my butt so I stopped kissing his neck and looked at his face. This dude was knocked out. I got off of him and put the blanket over him.

                   I went to my room and locked the door, then I masturbated while I fantasized about fucking him. That night was the turning point in how I saw him.

                   I woke up the next morning to him knocking on my door yelling for me to wake up because he was hungry. I yelled back and told him I was up. I was nervous that he would bring up what happened between us, but we spent the whole day acting as if nothing had happened. I assumed that he didn’t remember and I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship so I didn’t mention it. Things seemed normal between us after that, but for me, nothing was the same. I was hooked on him and I regretted that we hadn’t taken things further.

                   I wondered if I was gay after that. I mean I had a girlfriend and I fucked her on a regular basis, but after that night, something felt off. I went online and secretly found a couple of guys who reminded me of Tony. I fucked them both, but there was something not quite right about it. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed fucking them. I just knew that they weren’t who I wanted. By my senior year, I recognized the only way to chase down the feeling that I had that night with Tony, was to be with Tony.

                   I hatched a plan to seduce him when he came to spend the night with me after my graduation. The plan was for Tony to spend the night then help me move to our new apartment in Cleveland the next day. I thought about waiting until we were in the apartment, but I decided it was better for me to know before we moved in together.

                   I had a one bedroom apartment my senior year so I wasn’t worried about anyone interrupting us. Tony had spent the night with me a few times after we kissed, but nothing had happened during those nights.

                   When Tony came in the apartment, I gave him an extra long hug and thanked him for being my best friend. He laughed it off and told me I was getting soft in my old age. We had a few beers then I put my plan in to action. I “accidentally” turned the tv to a porno that I had been watching on demand. I smiled and quickly turned the channel. Then I jokingly told him, “That was too much for your eyes.”

                   “Bruh, I’ve been knee deep in more pussies than you can count while yo ass been fucking the same chick on and off for four years.”

                   “I thought Shanay was the one.”

                   “How you think some shit like that when you got me?”

                   It was a strange comment. We both half-laughed then looked at each other. I decided to keep the conversation on sex. “Me and you wouldn’t work because you don’t take dick.”

                   “You don’t know what I take.”

                   I squinted at him. He seemed serious. “I’ve known you since elementary and you been my dude since freshman year of high school. I think I would know if you take dick.”

                   “How would you know?”

                   I felt a twinge of jealousy as it dawned on me that he might have gotten dicked down by someone who wasn’t me. “So you’re saying you take dick?”

                   He took a long swallow of his beer. “I’m saying college is about figuring out what you do and don’t like and I tried some things while I was at Ohio University.” I had a question on the tip of my tongue, but it got stuck there and I ended up staring at him with my mouth wide open. He joked, “Close your mouth.”

                   I asked, “Are you gay?”

                   He responded, “Only for you,” then winked at me.

                   I sat my beer on the table and turned to face him. “I’m serious. You know I don’t have a problem with gay people. So for real, are you?”

                   “I don’t like labels.”

                   “Since when?”

                   “Since you dry humped me on your living room floor two years ago.”

                   “I-I-I- didn’t-” I couldn’t get the lie all the way out. I sighed then closed my eyes and asked, ”You remember that?”

                   “Of course I remember.” My eyes shot open. “I had to pretend to be asleep to keep you from trying to fuck me.”

                   “What?”

                   “I had never even kissed a guy before that night. I wasn’t ready for what your horny ass wanted to do, then you acted like you didn’t remember it the next day, so I didn’t say anything, but you’re clearly trying to put the moves on me tonight, so what’s up?”

                   “I’m trying to put the moves on you?”

                   “You practically molested me when I got here. You bought my favorite beer and my favorite pizza. You made a special trip to Woodmere to get my favorite dessert. You accidentally turned on a porno and to top it all off, until about two minutes ago, you were basically sitting on top of me. I figured you would make your move tonight so that you could back out of living with me if I turned you down.” He stared into my eyes. “But I’m not turning you down.”

                   We sat there for a few minutes staring at each other. I studied his face then I focused on his lips. I wondered what he was willing to do with those lips. I touched his face with my right hand and asked, “Are we really going to do this?”

                   He leaned his face closer to mine, but stopped just short of our lips making contact. He was challenging me to make the move that would forever change us. We couldn’t blame it on alcohol or drugs. It was all on us. I was tentative at first as my lips made contact with his. The fleeting feeling that he had blessed me with two years before returned and sent tingles all over my skin.

                   We broke the kiss long enough for Tony to sit his beer on the table. It was on after that. We kissed our way to my room and kicked off our shoes as we fell on top of the bed together. It seemed like I blinked and our clothes were off and I was spreading lube on my dick and sticking a lubed finger in his ass. He moved to turn on his stomach and I stopped him. “What are you doing?”

                   “It’s how I take dick.”

                   I kissed him and said, “Not with me.” I swear I felt his body shudder.

                   He breathlessly whispered, “Okay.”

                   I continued to get him ready. I put a pillow under his ass then I spread his legs farther apart. Our eyes locked as I slid inside him inch by inch then I started rocking back and forth taking out about an inch and pushing it back into him. We never lost eye contact. My body was hypersensitive to his touch. His hands felt electric as they rubbed and grabbed my arms and my shoulders and my back. I changed the rhythm and he let out involuntarily moans every time I pushed inside him.

                His dick was rock hard and oozing precum. I couldn’t resist, so I reached between us and grabbed it. I jacked him with my hand. That sent him over the edge. His cum erupted from his dick and his body tensed up on the inside. That sent me over the edge with him. I pumped my load inside of him then I gently kissed his lips and collapsed on top of him. It was hands down the most intense orgasm that I had ever had. It was as if everything with him was ten times better than it was with other people.

                   I felt him laughing beneath me. I asked him, “What you laughing at?”

                   “I was afraid you wouldn’t be down to fuck.”

                   I laughed with him then whispered in his ear, “I’m down for whatever with you.” I kissed his ear then moved my head so I could kiss him on the lips. I wiped my cum drenched hand on the pillowcase and stuck a finger in his mouth. He sucked my finger as I pulled it out.

                   He smirked, “You got me spread eagle and sucking fingers. I’m fucking gone.”

                   I kissed him again. “I’m right there with you.”